My Body Appears to be Mulfunctioning!

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My Body Appears to be Mulfunctioning!

Shoshana Lipson

My Body Appears to be Malfunctioning!

I have a malfunctioning body. There, I've said it - it's out in the open and there's no more hiding! Hiding is something I'm exceptionally good at if I'm honest. I hide how I feel, I hide my physical limitations, I hide my pain, and I definitely hide my fear at what I'm experiencing and the future. Looking out at other people who don't live with chronic pain I see them as "the normals." Probably not the most eloquent or even truthful of thoughts, since everyone is struggling with something, but to me "the normals" can live normal lives. They shop, work, socialize, worship, enjoy family time and relationships all without fear of their bodies suddenly rebelling. All without having to consider the possible ramifications of being around other people, doing too much, or being exposed to pain triggers.

You may have heard the saying, “Some people wake up feeling like a million bucks! Me? I wake up feeling like ‘insufficient funds’!” For people with chronic pain that's all too often the daily truth, and it's all too easy to compare ourselves to others who don't feel that way. While I know in my head that we all have things to deal with on some level, it's the normality of life as I see it that I crave. And it's that longing for normality that often gets me in trouble! Maybe that's true for you too.

Trying To Fix Myself For God

The way I read the Word of God it's pretty obvious that my God knows me inside and out - in fact, from before I was even born. He knows YOU inside and out too! Every thought, every fear, every doubt, every dream, and every hope. And yet, for some reason I've chosen to live most of my life not only trying to hide my health challenges from those around me, but also trying to 'fix' them so that God can work out His purpose in me. It was not problem for me believing firmly that God had a purpose for my life, but I also somehow thought that it was my responsibility to "fix" my health so that He would be able to move forward with that purpose. If you think that sounds kinda messed up, you'd be right - it absolutely is! The amazing thing is that our God not only has a plan for us but He also knows what we're going through. Even more so, He is actually able to use what we're going through for His glory. I actually don't need to "fix" myself on God's behalf. Now that's a thought!

Living Wisely Within Our Limitations

The truth is that as much as we want to honor God with our lives, part of that honoring is learning to live wisely within our limitations. I know that's not easy. Maybe it's not even a comfortable thought, but let's explore that a little! If I'm honest about how well I've done in the past about living within my physical limitations I'd have to admit that I've done a pretty lousy job. There's no shame, no blame and no guilt that should go along with that; it's just a simple statement of fact. Afterall we're all human and faced with unwanted pain that brings restrictions in its wake the natural thing is to try and overcome it.

Given the opportunity to do something I love the tendency has been to say 'yes' when I shouldn't. When invited to spend time with others, the desire to connect and not be isolated has often pushed commonsense to the back of my mind. Faced with a 'need' that I think I have the ability to help with, that nagging voice warning about consequences has all too easily been ignored. In addition, it's just been easier to tell people, "I'm fine" when really I'm not and need help, accommodations, or a place to sit or lie down.

Learning To Honor God In A New Way

The challenge of learning to honor God authentically, being honest and open about our limitations is not easy. However, it can be transformative in our lives. The reality is that every broken part of our lives – every challenge, every hurt and struggle – is not an obstacle to God working in our lives. Rather, it is an invitation to grow, a doorway to a greater intimacy with Him. It is a unique opportunity to walk in His purpose and serve Him just as we are, with our malfunctioning painful bodies, but hearts learning to trust Him in all things.

Do you tend to hide your health challenges, or do you find it easy to be open about them? Is it hard for you to honor God by living wisely within your limitations, and do you know those limitations? How easy or hard is it for you to accept that He knows you, He loves you, and even within your struggles He can do something amazing?

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