by Shoshana Lipson

Are you wondering how you’re going to get through the holidays? Do you look at others and wish that you had the same joy and excitement as them? Do you feel left out because of health limitations? The reality is that the holiday season isn’t always as joyful or easy for people who live with chronic pain or illness. We often struggle with health flare-ups, places we cannot go, things we cannot do, anxiety, depression, fear of the future, and guilt about not being all we want to be for our friends and family. If only the miracle Jesus' birth, that we remember in this season, would also remove our pain, increase our energy, and bring back the ability to do everything that we see others doing. Instead, the holidays and all that they bring (shopping, parties, services, entertaining, traveling, cooking) tend to make pain and illness worse. So let’s talk about some ways we can survive, or even thrive, during the holidays, and how we can keep our eyes focused on the Lord:

CLAIM THE PROMISES OF SCRIPTURE

The Bible offers so much comfort to those who are hurting, afraid, anxious, or in pain. When you feel yourself starting to spiral down or struggling in any way, focus on some of the promises in God’s Word and speak them into your own life. Part of thriving during the holidays is asking God for help and His shalom, the peace that passes all understanding. It is allowing His love to enfold you no matter what you are dealing with:

• Psalm 23:1-2 – The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want, He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul.
• Psalm 91:1-2 – He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
• Psalm 121:1 – I will lift up my eyes to the hills, from where comes my help? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven & earth.
• Isaiah 49:16 – See! I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. Your walls are continually before me.
• Matthew 11:28 – Come to me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
• Philippians 4:8 – Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report… meditate on these things.
• 1 Peter 5:7 – Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.

QUESTION: What is one of your favorite scriptures that helps you?

SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES & PLAN AHEAD

Decide ahead of time what you are going to do – what works for you, what is most important, what works for your family. One of the things that trigger issues with relationships at this time of the year is when we do not set healthy boundaries or realistic expectations. Part of thriving during the holidays is setting realistic expectations, which helps reduce the chance of dealing with destructive anger, hurtful words, and increased pain:

• Know your body and your triggers.
• Respect your body and triggers
• Set realistic expectations with family and friends ahead of time.

QUESTION: Do you have a difficult time setting healthy boundaries, and what would a healthy boundary look like for you?

LEARN TO SAY NO

Saying "no" is definitely not an easy thing to do, but looking at it slightly differently may help. Saying “no” to one thing that is not realistic can potentially mean saying “yes” to something that can be just as, or even more, meaningful. Part of thriving during the holidays is discovering what you CAN do rather than regretting and longing for what you CAN’T:

• Play a game at home instead of going shopping
• Watch a movie on demand at home instead of at a movie theater
• Take a family sunset walk by the beach instead of having a whole beach day
• Meet with friends for coffee or lunch rather than going to big parties
• Participate in, or organize, a virtual party with friends and laugh together online

QUESTION: What is one thing that you need to say “no” to this holiday season?

ASK FOR HELP

Asking for help can be challenging, but most people are willing to chip in once they understand. Of course, that means speaking up, explaining about an invisible, or visible, disability, and that can be humbling. However, it’s definitely worth a try! Part of thriving during the holidays is COMMUNICATION, and TEAMWORK:

• Ask people to bring a dish or drinks to a big meal.
• Ask for help cleaning up afterwards.
• If it’s family or close friends then you can even ask for help with cooking!
• Even if your children or grandchildren are young, get them helping with small things. That can be huge!

QUESTION: What do you need help with this holiday season, and who can you ask for that help?

BUILD MEMORIES:

Sometimes we get so caught up in the “doing” of things that we forget to treasure the good times. Part of thriving during the holidays is learning to build good memories and hold on to them. The possibilities are endless and are as creative as you want:

• Take pictures of those you love at home or on a scenic walk.
• Have an open conversation with someone you haven’t talked to in a while.
• Play a board game and laugh.
• Have a movie marathon and discover each other’s interests.
• If you’re musical, sit around the piano or pull out a guitar and sing together

QUESTION: What is one way that you would be able to build good memories this holiday season?

SAY “I LOVE YOU”

Those three little words are still so important. It’s really worth taking the time to tell our loved ones that we love them! Part of thriving during the holidays is learning together that love doesn’t have to be expressed with big expensive gifts, creating time-consuming elaborate meals, or going places that will make you sick.

• Try a small gestures that you know will make someone smile
• Hug those you love
• Doing something together that they’ll enjoy
• Say, “I love you” even when you feel sick, upset or angry 

QUESTION: Do you have someone you need to say, “I love you” to this holiday season, and do you know how you can make them feel appreciated and loved?

REMEMBER THE REASON FOR THE SEASON

It sounds obvious saying it, but the reality is that it’s very easy to lose sight of the true focus of this season – the birth of our Messiah, Jesus. Ultimately, this time is not about how many parties or events you can go to, the presents you give, or spending countless hours (or days) shopping and cooking. Part of thriving during the holidays is learning to keep our eyes fixed on Him and the miracle that is Christmas. This is a time to remember:

• … the incredible love God has for you – so incredible that He sent His Son, Jesus, to be your Messiah and Redeemer
• … that you believe in and worship a God who has NOT forgotten you
• … that God often works through the small, the humble, and the weak, as we see so obviously through the birth of His son, to poor parents, in a stable in Bethlehem
• … that God’s ways are not our ways, but that He has a plan for your life and the life of your loved ones. How amazing is that?!

QUESTION: What will help you keep your eyes focused on our Lord and the reason for Christmas?

LET US KNOW

Let us know how you are feeling about the holiday season? Is it challenging for you, a time of joy, or a mix of the two? What are some of the tips you have that help you thrive during this time and keep your eyes fixed on Him, the author and finisher of our faith?

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More Questions to Think About

1. How does chronic pain or illness affect your family relationships during the holidays?
2. What things make those relationships better?
3. What things make it harder to manage those relationships?
4. Are you concerned about the holiday season and family dynamics?
5. How could you improve the outcomes of potential relationship stress during this season?

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